The Four Marauders
by SBnaolweyx
Summary: Sugar high girls makes a sugar high script makes a sugar high Lupin... and it's all Sirius's fault, of course.


Disclaimer: None of the following characters belong to us. Please don't sue is, J. K. Rowling! We're poor! All you'll get from me is $15 and a pin! ;-;

Balex's Note: I'd like to say that I love the Marauders. VIVA LA SIRIUS! :0

Snowy's Note: The following is the effects of lack of sleep and too much homework on teenage girls...

 "I'm bored.."

"NO! SHUT UP! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO JAMES!"

"Whoositwhat?"

"Nevermind, James"

 James sat up, peeling the homework papers that had stuck to his fae when he fell asleep on them off. 

"No, whatd'ya say?"

Remus stared at James and shoved some chocolate into his mouth, completely ignoring the dumb question.

 "Wait...what DID I say?" Sirius asked, staring blankly at Remus, who rolled his eyes.

 "You said you were bored!" Peter said, trying to be helpful. Remus heaved a heavy sigh as James' eyes lit up.

"Oh! Weeeeell then... you know, I bet if we went down to the kitchen, there'd be a freezer and we could take some of the girls' underwear and..."

"How about not..." Remus said quickly, his cheeks starting to pink at the first mention of girls' underwear.

 Sirius's eyes suddenly lit up like a small child who is recieving cake from their gramma because their mom is too mean to give them any. You could almost -see- the light bulb flashing over Sirius's beautiful, sexy- sorry, getting off topic, anyway, over Sirius's head. "LET US PULL A PRANK ON THE SLYTHERINS!" There was a long moment of silence, in which no one said anything, and stared at Sirius, who looked completely out of it.

 "Yes!" James cried, leaping to his feet and pumping his fist into the air. Peter looked timidly enthusiastic, and Remus just looked bored. He ate another piece of chocolate.

 "Chocolate is the best thing ever created. I don't care what you say." Remus said suddenly. "Wait...what does that have to do with pranking the Slytherins?" James asked.  "Absolutely nothing..." Remus replied, smiling, and then eating another piece of chocolate. Sirius began a lengthy- yes lengthy - staring contest with the wall.

 James blinked and looked at his fellow Marauders. 

"Ahem..." he said, shooting a glare at Sirius. "I believe we were going to prank the Slytherins about now?"

"We need a good plan, so we don't get caught," Sirius said, his eyes still upon the wall.

"Did you know that cheese is bad for rats? You hear that guys? DON'T FORCE FEED ME CHEESE EVER AGAIN!" Peter suddenly yelled, which is completely unlike him, but you know, this is OUR fanfiction.

"...Anyway, we need to think of something good. Something they'll never ever counter our attack with." James said thoughtfully.

"Let's put their underroos in the freezer!" Sirius suddenly yelled.

"Jee, that sounds familiar..." James said, sarcastically.

"It does?" Sirius blinked.

"Who did I anger so badly to get stuck with you as friends?" Remus suddenly asked.

"I dunno, but will you all please at least TRY to stay on topic?!" James shouted.

"Noo...AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! I'LL EAT CARROTS IF I WANT TO!" Sirius cried.

"...Sirius...You IDIOT..." James slammed his head against the wall repeatedly.

"I didn't DO anything!"

"Shut UP!" Remus, yelled, stuffing more chocolate into his mouth.

"...Aren't you going to get sugar high off that stuff, Moony?" Sirius suddenly wondered, while the constant banging of James ramming his head into the wall continued.

 "Sugar high?" Remus asked, blinking, as though it were a concept he'd never heard of.

"Why d'ya eat so much chocolate, anyway?" Peter asked, looking at Remus with wide eyes. Remus sighed and set his bag of chocolate aside... he obviously wouldn't be able to finish it unbothered. 

 James continued banging his head against the wall, at least until a searing pain went through his forehead, and then he stopped. Sirius snorted and watched James rub his forehead and mutter something under his breath.

"How about we just chuck old rotten tomatoes and eggs at the Slytherins, and then run for it?" Sirius idly wondered, still staring at the wall.

"....Sirius, why is it that when you're trying to be brilliant, you're not, but when you're not trying to be brilliant, you are?" Peter questioned, staring at the back of Sirius's head. Sirius turned around to look at Peter and shrugged, grinning.

"It's just a natural talent." he said, moving his hair out of his eyes, and posing like a super hero.

 "But if they don't catch us, a teacher probably will," Remus pointed out. Sirius seemed to ponder this for a moment. Then he clapped his hands together.

 "Well, if that happens, then we'll just get to use those chairs in detention that we still haven't used yet!"

 "Amazing there would be some we still haven't," James said, shaking his head.

 Peter suddenly took out a long piece of parchment and began writing his long...long...potions essay, while Remus stared at James and Sirius, who were plotting, and blurting out random things.

"So here's what we'll do then," James said finally. "Sirius and I will go and get some rotten fruits and things, then Moony and Wormtail, you'll distract the teachers somehow, while we attack the Slytherines!"

"How're we supposed to distract them?"

"Eh, just pretend Remus' gone crazy or something... that won't be too much of a stretch of the imagination..."

 "What?! I refuse to pretend to be crazy in front of the teachers." Remus glared.

"Ifwestuffyouwithchocolateyouwon'thavetopretend..." Sirius said quickly.

"What was that?" Remus looked at Sirius.

"Oh nothing I was just saying how the Slytherins are so-" Sirius broke off and jumped on Remus, shoving chocolate into his mouth, and then holding it closed, making him swallow it all. Peter screamed like a girl. Go figure.

"Sirius! Don't kill him! He's the smart one!" James said.

"I'm-" he shoved more chocolate into Remus's mouth "-not trying to kill him! Just get him hyper as hell!"

Remus whined from his spot on the ground, which was all he COULD do anyway, because Sirius was shoving chocolate down his throat.

 After succeeding in force feeding all of Remus's chocolate to him (an entire three pounds), Sirius stepped back to survey his work. Once he could breathe again, Remus blinked, then a very frightening smile spread across his pallid features, and he started bouncing up and down in place. 

 James watched Remus run around like a crazed lunatic, and then at the frightened Peter desperately hiding behind his homework.

"Sirius, what have you done to our beloved Moony?"

"I made him hyper and an uncontrollable wolf beast."

"Exaactly..."

Remus suddenly attacked Peter viciously, and bit his homework, shredding it, and foaming at the mouth, but he smelled like chocolate, so that was a plus.

 "You know... I didn't think he'd get all.. werewolfy... when sugar high..."

"Yeah," James agreed. "Most people just get sort of...bouncy and squeaky."

"'Cept Peter, of course... he's always bouncy and squeaky."

 At that moment, Peter was bouncy and squeaky as he tried to hide the rest of his homework for the crazed Remus.

 "Get him awaaaay!" Peter whined, swatting at Remus and still trying to shove the rest of his homework into his bag.

"You know...it's kind of fun watching Remus terrorize Peter.." James said.

"It is, but we don't have time!" Sirius pulled out a dog leash out of no where, put it on Remus's shirt collar, and pulled him away from Peter.

"..Where'd that leash come from?" James said, staring at Sirius.

"Um...Peter! Take Remus and go and...Um... Distract teachers while James and I go to the kitchens, find some rotten fruits, and then pelt Slytherins with it."

"Are you kidding?!...Fine..." Peter glared at Sirius and took the leash, walking Remus down the stairs and out of sight.

"No..but really, where'd you get that leash? ...Is there something you're not telling me?!"

"What?! No!" Sirius said quickly, and then rushed out of the room, James following.

 "O-okay..." Peter squeaked, and as he led Remus out of the portrait hole, he could be heard racing down the corridor shrieking: 'Help! Help! Remus has gone mad!'

"Well,now that that's taken care of. I believe we have a date with some Slytherins and some rotten fruit!"

 "...you have a date with Slytherins?"

"No! It's a figure of speeech!"

"Come, James Potter, let us find our Fruit! Wait...no...that sounded wrong didn't it?" Sirius said; face twisting into a gross expression.

"Yes it did, and...here's the Marauder's Map." James said, pulling it out.

"Yeessss...Preeeciiouusss..." Sirius said, stealing the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good! Yay." Sirius said, pointing his wand at the paper.

"You scare me sometimes, Sirius..." James muttered, eyeing Sirius with the map.

"Rightey-o chap. Let us move forward, to our destiny!" Sirius yelled, opening the common room door, and strutting out.

"Rotten fruit is our destiny? Just what I've always wanted." James said, sarcastically.

 "Well, you know what the teachers are always telling us... if we don't stop misbehaving and stuff..."

James laughed.

"Well, we're a lot smarter than the teachers think we are..." 

Meanwhile, Peter had totally lost control of Remus, who had spotted a pack of first year girls and was chasing them down the hall, howling and staring up their skirts. The girls were screaming and running from Remus and Peter was screaming and running after him.

"James..you know, I realized...where ARE the kitchens anyway?" Sirius stared.

"...Isn't it that one painting..with the fruit...and the pear...or apple...or banana...Oh crap." James muttered.

"Why didn't we ask Remus before we got him high off sugar?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"Exactly. Hey..wait a minute.."

Meanwhile...

"REEEMUUS! NO! BAD DOG! BAD!" Peter shouted.

Remus growled and began gnawing on Professor McGonagall's desk in her empty class room. Suddenly Professor McGonagall strode in, then stared at Peter, and the rabid Remus gnawing on her desk, and the chewed up grade book on the floor.

"What...WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU, MR. LUPIN!? I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU!" She yelled.

"But-But-But Professor McGonagall! He's not in his right mind! He's been chasing everyone from the Gryffindor common room all the way to here!" Peter whined, pulling the leash, trying to stop Remus from further destruction.

 Remus growled at Professor McGonagall, who raised an eyebrow at the two boys.

"Sirius did iiiit!" Peter wailed, accidentally dropping the leash. Remus howled and started running towards the door, but missed slightly, and instead careened into the wall. Peter winced.

"Well ya know..." Sirius said. "We could always just go freeze the Slytherin's underwear..."

 "Yes...we still could do that. Let's!" James yelled, causing everyone near by to stare.

"Don't create a scene, Jamesie." Sirius whined.

"Don't...call...me...that...nickname...EVER!" James hissed, left eye twitching, and if you looked close enough you could see foam dripping out of the side of his mouth.

"James...you're drooling.."

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

 James took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. "Anywaayy... I think the best way to get into the Slytherin dorms would be-"

"I could flirt with all the girls in sight, then-!"

'No."

"No, really! It'd-!"

"No."

 "But I think it would help us get in if they invite us, you know what I mean? Wink wink, nudge nudge." Sirius said slowly, nudging James's elbow.

"No! I said NO!" James said, glaring at Sirius.

"Fine..." Sirius said, sticking out his lower lip, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Okay then. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, was the best way to get into the slytherin dorms would be-"

"HEY LOOK! IT'S REMUS AND PETER!" Sirius yelled, pointing, and cutting James off entirely.

"McGonagall caught us, Remus is still insane. I hate you. Why am I your friends?" a very messy/tired looking Peter said.

"Because you love us Peter." Sirius smiled, poking Peter and then looking down at Remus, who was twitching.

"I think he's coming back to normal!" James suddenly pointed out.

 Sure enough, Remus blinked, and then looked around.

"What's... where... am I?" he asked, then fell over sideways onto the floor, falling promptly asleep.

"Well, a bloody lot of help he'll do now..." Sirius said, sighing. Remus made a snuffling sleeping noise, and then stuck his thumb into his mouth. ((Fangirls: *melt*))

Peter stared, left eye twitching slightly.

"But...but...but the fangirls are only supposed to melt for me!" Sirius whined.

"Oh get over yourself." James said, rolling his eyes.

"So um...what are we going to do now?" asked Peter, staring nervously at Remus.

"You're never going to be the same again, are you? We're sorry we made you stay with Remus when he was sugar high like that...He probably won't remember what he did, and it'll be best not to remind him...Unless he does remember every single detail, because then that would suck, and we would be in trouble." James said, shaking his head and looking at Remus, tutting.

"So...Are we going to freeze the Slytherin's underwear or not?" Sirius asked, looking at James.

"When Remus wakes up...Quick...poke him..." James said, pushing Sirius over to Remus so that he'd poke him.

"Okay!" Sirius exlaimed happily, then began poking Remus repeatedly.

 Remus made a sleepy-whiney noise and mumbled, "Nooo mumma... get the scary wolf awaaay..." then jammed his thumb further into his mouth.

"This may be worse than I thought," James said, frowning. Sirius frowned as well, then started kicking Remus in the head with his shoe

"What are we going to do? He- kick- won't- kick- wake- kick- up!" Sirius mumbled, still kicking Remus with his shoe.

"Sirius! Stop! You're going to give him a concussion...and he's smarter than us! We need him!" James said, whining.

"But what are we going to do?! He just can't lie in the hall like this..." Sirius whined back.

"Well...let's drag him back up to the Gryffindor common room..." James said.

"What about the stairs? That could give him a concussion too..." Sirius pointed out.

"So?"

"So what?! I thought you didn't want him to get a head wo-...nevermind...Just...you grab one hand and I'll grab the other. Then we'll just drag him across."

"Sirius...Remus's thumb won't come out of his mouth..."

"....Okay..."

Sirius grabbed Remus's elbow, leaving the boy's thumb in his mouth, and James grabbed the hand of the opposite arm. Together, the two boys heaved and managed to start dragging Remus across the floor. Remus's head lolled as it smacked into stairs, walls, pillars, corners, and people's legs. Peter followed behind, squeaking every time Remus's head came into contact with a hard object. He was squeaking most of the journey to the common room.


End file.
